OMG!!!!!!!

Ok... so I've been in hiding for a while... but this joke I just HAD to post.... OMG

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and
women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene
gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually
says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet
dreads to hear .....

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a
woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "can't you just
love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I
went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend
time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I
said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewerly department
where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you.....she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know
how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said,
"That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I
think this is all dear, let's go to cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No
honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with
a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while.... You're just not in touch with my financial needs
as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill
me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things
I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.